


Drivin' Down the Highway

by mishasan7



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Inspired by a Trailer, Season/Series 03, Winged Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Wings, but with a fuckload more bad language, shades of Highway to Heaven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 16:56:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12236949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mishasan7/pseuds/mishasan7
Summary: Lee, former bank robber and former suspect of being the vessel of the Goddess of All Creation, picks up a hitchhiker on the drive from Vegas to LA.Things go sideways when the hitchhiker suddenly sprouts a pair of enormous wings and scares the absolute shit out of him...





	Drivin' Down the Highway

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Grym](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grym/gifts), [A non-drabble drabble but I wrote it really quickly so that's something right?](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=A+non-drabble+drabble+but+I+wrote+it+really+quickly+so+that%27s+something+right%3F).



Lee Birkett had left Vegas feeling better than he’d felt for a long time. Who knew getting arrested for bank robbery would land him a job as a security advisor? Were they nuts? And for the same casino he was in massive debt to. He thought maybe they figured it’d be a great PR stunt - the judge had shown him leniency for the attempted robbery after his near death experience and the papers had loved the story of the casino he owed helping him get back on his feet - but he didn’t care; he’d been given a second chance… well, third, really… and he did _not_ plan on screwing it up.

Life was funny, and he intended to make the most of his time on Earth from here on in. And if he was still in debt so what? He didn’t feel so trapped by it any more. At least he wasn’t behind bars.

He noticed a lone hitchhiker on the side of the highway up ahead. Tall dude, no shoes or shirt, shabby as Hell - Lee figured no one else was going to give him a ride so he pulled over a little ways past him.

The man walked quickly up to the passenger side door and pulled it open, smiling. He looked alright. If somewhat familiar…

Lee grinned back. “Heading my way?”

“Looks like. Thank you very much.” Polite. And from the accent a British dude. Again, something about him just seemed familiar, and Lee was reassured enough to decide he’d made the right decision stopping.

Then just as the guy went to climb up into his truck a giant pair of fucking _wings_ shot out of his back and hit the doorframe - they were so huge he couldn’t fit in the cabin. Lee’s eyes nearly fell out of his head.

The hitchhiker grunted and made a sound of exasperation, then stepped back down to the ground with a decidedly pissed off look on his face. Lee gaped at him but the … man? glared instead up at the sky, giving it the finger and smiling tightly. Lee was frozen in place, stunned, until the guy suddenly yelled ‘You arsehole!” and his eyes flamed an unholy red.

At this point Lee screamed, threw the truck into gear and floored the accelerator. He’d only gone a few feet however before the truck jerked and came to a stop. Lee’s forehead nearly hit the steering wheel but with the adrenalin of pure terror kept his wits enough to slam the truck into a higher gear.

The noise of the engine increased to a roar, but still he wasn’t moving. What the fuck was fucking happening??

Over the rising howl of the engine and his own frenzied cursing Lee gradually became aware of shouting coming from outside. Specifically, from the back of his truck. Two quick glances revealed a huge white wing reflected in each of his side-view mirrors. Oh Sweet Baby Jesus, a goddamned  _angel_ had a hold of the back of his truck and was lifting both rear wheels off the ground.

“HEY! HOLD YOUR HORSES! I JUST WANT TO TALK TO YOU!”

Lee realised he couldn’t escape, and decided the last thing he wanted to do was piss off an honest to Christ _angel_ , so he resignedly took his foot off the gas and braked. When he felt the Jeep touch back down on the road he numbly turned off the engine and watched as the angel came sauntering around from the back of the Jeep, smoothing his hair. He reopened the passenger side door and smiled broadly. Lee barely noticed because he was too busy gawping at those massive wings and trying his hardest to pray but all he could think of was _holyfuck holyfuck holyfuck…_

“Hello again. Thanks ever so much for stopping. Now I realise that this is undoubtedly…”

Lee blurted, “What do you want with me?”

“A lift. I would have thought that was fairly obvious. Thumb, roadside and all.”

“Why would you need a lift? You have wings…”

The angel clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes in irritation. “Look, just forget about the fucking wings, will you?! _I’m_ trying to.” And as if to prove his point, the wings promptly folded neatly back and disappeared. The angel climbed, this time successfully, into the passenger seat, then turned to Lee and smiled disarmingly.

“What shall I call you?”

“Uh… L-Lee.”

“Lovely. Look, Lee, we were getting along famously before these stupid things” he waved impatiently over his shoulder, “showed themselves, so could you please just ignore them so we can get going? I’m in rather a hurry to get home.”

“You want to… go home?” Lee said faintly.

“Yes. You’re heading that way.”

 _Oh crap_ , Lee thought. _I’m dead. I died already. I’m DEAD._

So… this is what death felt like; he couldn't remember what had happened the last time. There was no white light, just a broke ass, junkie-looking angel sitting in his Jeep. Well that’s pretty much what he deserved.

Funny, he didn’t feel any different. Except he was a bit jittery and felt like he might puke at any moment. And he was sweatier than he would have expected, being a spirit and all.

Fighting to keep his cool, he asked “So how did it happen then? Another heart attack? Damn. Dead. I only just turned forty. I knew I shouldna cheated and had that greasy diner burger for breakfast…”

The angel laughed. “What? You aren’t dead. Why would you think that?”

Lee just looked at him. The angel waited expectantly with a quizzical look on his face.

“Uh, hello? Because you’re here? Aren’t you going to take my soul or somethin’?”

The angel shook his head. “Nope. Not my job.”

Lee felt slightly relieved at that. But it begged the question…

“What _is_ your job?”

“I’m retired.” the angel said shortly.

“But… you’re an angel. You _are_ an angel, right?”

The angel pulled a face. “Technically.”

“Then why are you here?”

“Because someone’s playing silly buggers with me. Either way, I would like to get going if you don’t mind.” His voice lowered coaxingly. “I’ll make it worth your while…”

Just then he made an irritated noise and Lee suddenly found his face shoved hard into the driver’s side window, a large white wing jammed against the side of his head. He made a strangled squeaking sound.

“ _Bollocks_! Sorry… sorry about that… let me just…”

And a moment later the wing withdrew and the angel sighed in frustration, rolling his shoulders and cricking his neck. Lee took a deep breath then let it out again. Maybe he wasn’t dead. He’d just had his face rammed into a window by what felt like a large feathered fist and it had certainly _felt_ real.

“Uh… okay, just... make sure that doesn’t happen while we’re driving down the highway at seventy mile an hour, okay? Since I’m apparently not dead, I wanna stay that way.” He started the engine and they pulled onto the highway.

The angel lifted a dark eyebrow and chuckled approvingly. Lee relaxed a bit. Yeah, he could do this. Drivin’ down the highway with an angel in his car, no problem. _I saw that in a TV show. It worked out alright._

Meanwhile the angel was fiddling with the tuner of his radio. He muttered, “Maybe some relaxing music will help me keep them squared away...”

The radio crackled to life and the guitars and drums of classic Australian rock band ACDC blasted through the cabin.

 

_Ain't nothing I would rather do_

_Going down, party time_

_My friends are gonna be there too_

_I'm on the highway to hell_

_On the highway to hell_

 

The angel snorted with laughter but Lee very nearly shit his pants.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> \- Mostly written in a couple of hours. A personal record! And posted here as a kind of apology for taking an extra day on the latest chapter of my Joshua Trees fic. Sorry!  
> \- Inspired by the hilarious end of the trailer for the season 3 return where Lucifer is seen, with his wings, trying to fit in the front seat of some guy’s truck.  
> \- The actor in the driver’s seat is the same guy (Jeremiah Birkett) who played the revived bank robber in episode 1 of season 2, Everything’s Coming Up Lucifer, and that character’s name is listed in IMDB as Lee. - He’s apparently playing the same character, although I would have thought he was still in jail for bank robbery…? Guess we’ll find out! :D  
> \- Title inspired by the first line of another ACDC song - It’s a Long Way to the Top (If You Want to Rock and Roll). Aussie Aussie Aussie!!  
> \- Just in case you weren’t alive and watching TV in the 80s, the show Lee refers to is Highway to Heaven starring Michael Landon. Since it was about a good looking, pure-hearted angel with a sense of humour I of course loved it to bits, and it has aged well, like fine cheese should ;)  
> \- The 'I just want to talk to you' line was inspired by a funny story Tom Ellis told about DB Woodside at San Diego Comic-Con last year. He tells it so well - check it out on YouTube.  
> \- Bring on Season 3, baby!!! :D


End file.
